that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
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Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
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we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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