it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
