Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
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you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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