You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last