i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
