i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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