Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
