I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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