Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
