Welp...herpes.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
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all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
whose parrot is this?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
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And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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