You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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