I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize