this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Randomize
