She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
