I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
love makes seman taste better
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
