Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
