As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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