Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
