I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
