So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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