Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize