Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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