he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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