her vagine was all disorganized.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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