i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
