If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
