obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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