My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
