Me too!
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize