If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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