i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
