i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
