So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
