i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
