He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
