my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
