i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
