I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
