you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
