there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
