The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
