Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
