I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
