Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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