everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
