this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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