I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
