I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
