my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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