Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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