it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
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