You don't have asthma, your pregnant
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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