i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
