thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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