my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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