I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
