Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
