dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize