4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
