Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
