everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
