Ambien. No doubt about it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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