I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
