wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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