I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
