Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
