Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she peed on how many people?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
