it was like his penis was on wheels.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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