I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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