I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
